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Raw and unedited: i have a confession.

i share this not for you to judge me. but to say i struggle too.

i had an addiction. it was something so strong i could not get it out of my system.(i still struggle with it today) i needed everyday. from the moment i rose in the morning to the time i laid my head to rest. i needed it so badly. it was in every part of my life. i fed off of it. i craved it when i did not have it. it made me feel so good. when i took a hold of it it seemed to make everything better. nothing could compare to it. I. LOVED. IT! my addiction….Chocolate covered caramel with salted chunks (ok ok i am kidding i am not really addicted to it. and i didn’t have it everyday. )

but there are things we are addicted too. from tv to social media to a person or drugs. things that make us “feel” better. why do we run to those things? because we have not experienced Jesus!

to have an encounter with the most High God, i know we would never turn back to the things of this world.

this sounds extreme of me does it not!? anyone who knows me, knows I am a pretty held together person. so to admit I had an addiction would probably seem unfathomable. we all have things that we keep hidden as well. Things we would be mortified if someone knew. Secret sins. i’m not here to say i’m perfect. and i’m not here to confess my sins to you the reader. but, i am here to say..YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

we are all struggling with things. i have cried so much this last year about so many things that i should have just taken to God and allowed Him to handle it. but i kept it to myself and to one other. i should have poured it all out before the living God. giving Him all my cares and concerns first. all those times i have cried at night before bed, all those lonely moments, all those frustration, pains and hurts…i should have went directly to God.

see i knew this was what i was suppose to do. i knew the right thing to do and i didn’t do it.

i am here to tell you my friend….TAKE IT TO GOD!!! F I R S T!!!!!

i am having to retrain my self to do that. yes a person who has been in ministry and a christian for  years…i slipped and i have to retrain myself to give it to God first.

see God never stopped talking to me. i heard him. i just kept ignoring. i know what God has called me to do. i know what talents he has given me. and as part of the healing process i share this with you through the talent he has given me.

will i ever get over this thing that i went through? right now it is difficult to see. i’ve cried everyday this week. but…i too must…


you are not alone. God loves you. He loves me. but we must give it to God no matter how bad, how sad, how frustrated you may be.